Harusnya gue sadar, kita stuck di batas 'teman', ga lebih. Harusnya gue sadar percuma gue mencoba jadi yang terbaik, kalau bukan cuma gue yang ada di sisi lo. Harusnya gue sadar, untuk apa gue mencoba mengisi wadah yang sebenarnya telah penuh karena orang lain

Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa - Young, Wild and Free ft. Bruno Mars

 

[Hook: Bruno Mars]
So what we get drunk?
So what we smoke weed?
We’re just having fun
We don’t care who sees
So what we go out?
That’s how its supposed to be
Living young and wild and free

[Verse 1: Wiz Khalifa]
So what I keep ‘em rolled up?
Saggin’ my pants, not caring what I show
Keep it real with my niggas
Keep it player for these hoes
And look clean don't it?
Washed it the other day, watch how you lean on it
Give me some 501 jeans on it
Roll joints bigger than King Kong’s fingers
And smoke them hoes down ’til they stingers
You a class clown and if I skip for the day
I’m with your bitch smokin’ grade A

[Verse 1: Snoop Dogg]
You know what?
It’s like I’m 17 again
Peach fuzz on my face
Lookin’, on the case
Tryna find a hella taste
Oh my god, I’m on the chase, Chevy
It's gettin’ kinda heavy, relevant, sellin’ it
Dippin’ away, time keeps slippin’ away
Zip in the safe, flippin’ for pay
Tippin’ like I’m drippin’ in paint
Up front, four blunts, like, “Khalifa put the weed in a J”


[Verse 2: Wiz Khalifa]
And I don't even care
Cause if me and my team in there
There's gonna be some weed in the air
Tell 'em Mac

[Verse 2: Snoop Dogg]
Blowin' everywhere we goin' and now you knowin'
When I step right up, get my lighter so I can light up

[Wiz Khalifa]
That's how it should be done
Soon as you thinkin' you're down
Find how to turn things around
Now things are lookin' up

[Snoop Dogg]
From the ground up, pound up, this Taylor Gang
So turn my sound up and mount up and do my thang

[Wiz Khalifa]
Now I'm chillin', fresh outta class, feelin'
Like I'm on my own and I could probably own a building
Got my own car, no job, no children
Had a science project, me and Mac killed it

[Snoop Dogg]
T-H-C, M-A-C, D-E-V, H-D-3, high as me
This is us, we gon' fuss
And we gon' fight and we gon' roll
And live off life

[Bridge: Wiz Khalifa]
Yea, roll one, smoke one
When you live like this you’re supposed to party
Roll one, smoke one, and we all just having fun
So we just, roll one, smoke one
When you live like this you’re supposed to party
Roll one, smoke one, and we all just having fun

Drive by - Train

On the other side of a street I knew
Stood a girl that looked like you
I guess that's déjà vu
I thought this can't be true
'Cause you moved to west LA
Or New York or Santa Fe
Or wherever to get away from me

Oh but that one night
Was more than just right
I didn't leave you 'cause I was all through
Oh I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you

Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mmm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by

On the other side of a downward spiral
My love for you went viral
And I loved you every mile you drove away
But now here you are again
So let's skip the "how you been"
And get down to the "more than friends" at last

Oh but that one night
Is still the highlight
I didn't need you until i came to
And I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you

Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mmm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by

Please believe that when I leave
There's nothing up my sleeve but love for you
And a little time to get my head together too

On the other side of a street I knew
Stood a girl that looked like you
I guess that's déjà vu
But I thought this can't be true
'Cause

Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mmm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by

Take Care - Drake ft. Rihanna

[rihanna]
know you’ve been hurt by someone else
i can tell by the way you carry yourself
if you let me, here’s what i’ll do
i’ll take care of you
i’ve loved and i’ve lost

[drake: verse 1]
i’ve asked about you and they’ve told me things
but my mind didn’t change
i still the feel the same
a life with no fun, please don’t be so ashamed
i’ve had mine, you’ve had yours we both know
we know, they don’t get you like i will
my only wish is i die real
cause that truth hurts, and those lies heal
and you can’t sleep thinking that he lies still
so you cry still, tears all in the pillow case
big girls all get a little taste
pushing me away so i give her space
feeling with a heart that i didn’t break
i’ll be there for you, i will care for you
i keep thanking you, just don’t know
try to run from that, say you’re done with that
on your face girl, it just don’t show
when you’re ready, just say you’re ready
when all the baggage just ain’t as heavy
and the parties over, just don’t forget me
we’ll change the pace and just go slow
won’t ever have to worry,
you won’t ever have to hide
if you seen all my mistakes
so look me in my eyes

[rihanna]
cause if you let me, here’s what i’ll do
i’ll take care of you
i’ve loved and i’ve lost

[drake: verse 2]
it’s my birthday, i get high if i want to
can’t deny that i want to, but i lie if have to
cause you don’t say you love me
to your friend when they ask you
even though we both know that you do (you do)
one time, been in love one time
you and all your girls in the club one time
all so convinced that you’re following your heart
cause your mind don’t control what it does sometimes
we all have our nights though, don’t be so ashamed
i’ve had mine, you’ve had yours, we both know
we know, you hate being alone
you ain’t the only one
you hate the fact that you bought the dream
and they sold you one
you love your friends but somebody shoulda told you somin’ to save you

[rihanna]
know you’ve been hurt by someone else
i can tell by the way you carry yourself
if you let me, here’s what i’ll do
i’ll take care of you
i’ve loved and i’ve lost

Should I smile because we are friends? Or cry because we'll never be anything more?

Gue pernah denger cerita dari seseorang yang dulu deket banget sama gue. yap, "dulu" walaupun gue gak tau apa status gue sama dia skarang. dia cerita pernah ada remaja cewek, namanya namima. dia seperti remaja pada umumnya, masih labil. seakan hidup ini begitu pelik, sampai dia bertemu seseorang, yan, baru dia kenal, yang tiba tiba menghadirkan suasana baru untuk hidup dia. dia perlahan lahan mulai jatuh hati, dia luluh. tapi dia tetep munafik, gak mengakui dia jatuh cinta dengan seseorang itu. sampai seseorang itu pergi, bersama cewek lain. seketika itu juga namima merasa hancur. dan dia memutuskan bunuh diri.

yeah, gue gaktau dia dpt cerita ini dr mana. tapi gue bertanya tanya sekuat itukah efek jatuh cinta? jujur, pertanyaan ini baru muncul saat gue lagi nyetir balik dari sekolah ke rumah. gue lagi suntuk pas nyopir saat itu. pikiran gue kemana mana. yap, gue galau. entah apa yang merasuki gue, gue jadi gak bersemangat. di perjalanan gue nyaris nabrak motor. untung gak ketabrak. nah entah gimana, momen momen saat gue mau nabrak itu yang ngingetin gue ttg dia, cerita dia, hingga ke pertanyaan "sekuat itukah efek jatuh cinta?"

jujur, mungkin sekarang gue lagi sayang sama seseorang. dan gue harap gue gak bener bener sayang sama dia. berkali kali gue menjilat lidah gue sendiri. bilang gue gak suka dia padahal hati kecil gue ketawa, ngetawain kebohongan gue. mungkin ini salah gue, ya, gue terlalu dekat. gue perlahan  lahan masuk ke dunianya. ini beda, ini berbeda dimana saat gue ngedeketin mantan mantan gue, cukup 1 bulan dan gue udah yakin "i will get her" seakan hati gue terbagi 2 sisi, antara mentingin ego gue sendiri atau ngejaga perasaan orang lain. ini sulit. sikon semakin nyusahin dengan gue udah mau unas. mungkin gue coba ngalah. ngelepasin ego gue, istirahat sejenak, berhenti memacu detak jantung gue saat dia gak bales sms dll. adakalanya gue menyesal, tapi ada kalanya gue bersyukur ketemu dia. seandainya bisa gue berharap ketemu dia dilain waktu, dilain tempat. dilain kesempatan. dimana gue dengan bebas bisa bilang "i love you" dimana gue dengan bebas bisa bilang "i miss you" dimana gue dengan bebas bisa bilang "would you be my girl"

"If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me"

From the inside - Linkin Park

i don't know who to trust
no surprise
everyone feels so far away from me
heavy thoughts sift through dust
and the lies
trying not to break





i take everything from the inside
and throw it all away
cause i swear / for the last time
i won't trust myself with you

dan hujan lagi

hari ini gak mood banget, malesin. gimana ya ngejelasinnya, bingung. simplenya sih kalo kata seorang yusuf himawan, hari ini tuh nge"huft"in banget. hari yang gak begitu baik. dimulai dari pagi pagi, telat gara gara nyari cat, buat wenang. walaupun akhirnya gak jadi dia pake. dan itu nyebelin. baru inget ada nge nol, untung dibolehin masuk sama bu ninik. awalnya sih ngarep inggris atau indonesia, bukannya gak suka biologi, lagi gak mau capek mikir aja dari pagi. terus pelajaran indonesia, ketemu bu narsih. semeja sama ario. disini penyakit flu mulai menjangkit gue. mungkin efek dari kemaren semeja sama apik yang pilek juga atau emang gara gara kehujanan. dampaknya, selama pelajaran bu narsih gak bisa konsen, bersin mulu, untung ada sesosok apik yang bawa banyak tisu. well, kalo gue bersin tuh selalu gak santai, dan tadi pagi tuh bersin terus, mana pusing, bersin bersin, diketawain temen, dimarahin apik, ada konflik sama ogi, terus ario sempet marah. ngeselin sumpah, pas liat ke kolong baru sadar banyak banget tisu yang kepake.  untung wenang baik hati mau matiin ac kelas. nyesel tadi pagi gak jadi bawa sweater. pindah ke ruang pak darto, pelajaran agama. duduk semeja sama wenang doang, iqbal, aldhi, adit sama alam udah bareng, devara, noval sama anggit baru bertiga, tapi gue sama wenang memutuskan berdua aja, takut terkena hawa hawa suram dari mereka (- anggit) terus wenang sempet bingung gak bawa kisi kisi agama, untung gue bawa 2. dari awal udah punya firasat, kalo sama wenang pasti bakal bercanda terus, dan pasti jadi sasaran pak mur. pelajaran dimulai. raras dan teman teman  dengan nyebelinnya tanya tentang hadist hadist, yang ujung ujungnya kita semua ditanyain ttg hadist. oke, gue masih bisa. terus, disini mulai masalah, raras nanya tentang mad dsb. yang ngeselin pak mur nyasarnya ke gue. dan gue cuma bisa jawab 2 dari total sekitar 5 pertanyaan. yah gue emang lemah di bagian mad dsb.  terus lanjut pelajaran pak darto, sempet bingung pak darto kok jadi ramah banget, tersenyum terus dan memberi kata kata motivasi ke 9.5 pas gue nanya, pak darto jawab "gimana sayang?" atau "apa sayang?"  gue mulai agak takut nanya, takut ada hal hal yang menjijikan terjadi. terus sholat jumat, terus makan, pas mau makan baru inget uang 20 ribu gue melayang. kronologinya gini

gue: *ngerjain matematika*

yusuf: yah cukup buat minum aja

gue: *noleh ke arah yusuf* *liat mukanya melas*

gue: gak ada uang sup? nih 20 ribu buat km aja

yusuf: makasih ya gus

oke, disini gue berniat mulia, pas selesai sholat jumat ke kelas bareng anggit, terus ambil dompet di tas, dan baru sadar dompet gue gak ada uangnya. mendadak labil. mau minjem gak enak, gak makan nanti ngapain. akhirnya minjem 10 rb ke reno. cukup buat makan, cukup banget malah. terus main bola, panas banget, untung duit sisa 2000 an, cukup buat aqua gelas. masuk kelas pelajaran bu narsih lagi, agak gak mood, terus lanjut ke fisika. untungnya gue udah garap spm di rumah, gak perlu repot. awalnya sih niat main bola pas pulang, eh tba tiba ujan deres. langsung kesel sendiri. pulang, ngobrol ngobrol, terus gak tau gimana gue di sorakin sama temen temen "abis putus ya!" sejenak galau. padahal gue putus dari dulu. ujannya masih deres, abis itu muter muter sekolah bareng arhim, ketemu luthfi, terus sholat. terus ke ruang musik, liat yang nge band, terus balik lagi duduk duduk di mushola. ujannya masih deres, gak bawa jaket lagi. makin kesel, tapi tiba tiba keselnya ilang pas liat seseorang. eaaaaaaa

baru sadar sepatu gue ilang sebelah. dicariin kemana mana akhirnya ketemu di pojokan. terus nyembunyiin sepatu arman, arhim, luthfi (karena gue tau  mereka yang nyembunyiin sepatu gue) dan ke kamar mandi. punya feeling diikutin arhim, tapi lanjut ke kamar mandi. keluar kamar mandi nengok kanan kiri, gak ada arhim, akhirnya berani keluar (pada saat2 spt ini, gue sering dikagetin atau dikunci dari luar) pas jalan beberapa langkah, tiba tiba dikagetin dari belakang, spontan gue teriak sambil melakukan beberapa gerakan tangan, yang langsung diketawain temen temen. oke, ini ngeselin. terus duduk dilantai, liat hujan. suasana mendadak galau, liat bob terus dia juga galau. sempet mau showeran bareng bob. ujannya gak berenti berenti,   jadi tambah yakin gak bakal main bola. terus nyariin seseorang, tapi dia gak tau kemana, mungkin udah pulang, sedikit kecewa. terus arman arhim pulang. ikutan pulang. di mobil, gue liat motor, mobil, angkot, berbagai macam sarana transportasi lewat. hujan yang deras membuat lampu dari kendaraan dan rumah rumah di sekitar jalan terbiaskan. agak blur, tapi menarik dipandang melalui kaca mobil. gue buka kaca mobil, gue hirup aroma hujan, ya, aroma hujan emang bisa membangkitkan kenangan. gue nikmati aroma itu, dan gue merenung. sebenernya, gue gak benci hujan yang satu ini. gue gak pernah benci hujan. gue seneng liat awan kelabu karena hujan. menarik. kekesalan gue hari ini mungkin cuma sedikit dari luapan emosi gue, yang akhir akhir ini memuncak. gue berpikir lagi, melintas di kepala gue orang itu, ya orang yang akhir akhir ini masuk ke mimpi gue seenaknya, dan mewarnai malam malam gue. gue gak suka dia, mungkin belum. dia bukan tipe gue, tapi dia menarik.dia intelek, dia beda, dia beda dari semua cewek di 4 pakem. dia punya pesonanya sendiri, dia punya auranya sendiri. dia punya apa yang gue cari. dia gak cantik banget, gak bening, gak manis manis banget. gue bahkan belum pernah bicara sama dia. entah gimana, semesta membuat gue melirik ke arah dia, membuat gue ingin tau lebih jauh tentang dia. 1 sms, 2 sms, 3 sms, 4 sms, dan seterusnya. gue mulai smsan, walaupun terhenti. ya, gue gak berani jauh jauh, gue takut jatuh cinta sama dia, yang gak mungkin gue lakukan. ya, ada semacam faktor yang buat gue jaga jarak sama dia. yang buat gue mikir mikir kalo deketin dia. sebenernya, cukup liat dia dari jauh, udah cukup menyenangkan, fudulin tl dia, media social dia, itu udah menyenangkan. dan tiba tiba reno mention 

gue terhenyak, reno mungkin benar, bahwa secara tidak lansung gue naksir cewek ini secara diam diam. tiba tiba lamunan gue buyar, pandangan gue kembali ke realitas. ke dunia nyata. tiba tiba supir gue bilang "mas, ini tadi bukunya ketinggalan di mobil" gue buka buku itu, gue buka halaman buku itu. di halaman ke tiga buku itu, tertulis

"When I first saw you, I was afraid to talk to you. When I first talked to you, I was afraid to like you. When I first liked you, I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you I'm afraid to lose you."